Should we discuss the election with our kids, and if so, how?

There are a lot of questions about if we should discuss the election with our kids. The truth is, even at the youngest age, they are aware something big is going on. There is a vibe in the air, they are over hearing conversations we are having about candidates, propositions, the future, they are watching us prepare to vote, and seeing those “I Voted” stickers, and they are seeing those TV commercials that are designed to be attention grabbing, adrenaline raising, fear mongering pushes to react – and they do a good job, too! If you feel your child may be immune to all this around them – think again. Even preschoolers are discussing who their parents are voting for at the school lunch table.

For the youngest children, we want to control the narrative in a developmentally appropriate way to help kids understand. We want to deescalate vibes, any fears, and tones are consequently subject to so that our children don’t develop election anxiety. Children look to us to set the tone on how to react to various stimuli and they are not immune from developing anxiety around issues because of escalated tones at home. We want to impart knowledge, and this is a great opportunity for children to see their parents, caregivers, and teachers engaged. When they do, they become civically engaged citizens - ones who understand they have a voice that matters and can be counted. Children who understand the power of their voice, opinion, and vote, are more likely to vote in the future. So, lets establish a greater understanding about our country, citizenship, and our rights and duties. So, the short answer is yes – we should be talking about the election and democracy as a whole with our children.

 But how do we do it in a way that is developmentally appropriate and doesn’t get into the specific candidates, the characteristics, and what they stand for? My son’s school sent the parents some articles, and I was drawn to two: an article from Psychology Today who interviewed the Fred Rogers Institute and another article from The Child Mind Institute. Both did a great job providing great developmentally appropriate dialog to engage in with our children and larger life and developmental lessons we can take away from the election.

Toddler and Preschoolers:

Psychology Today recommends describing the voting process as electing a leader for our community, state, and/or country. You may need to break down those various distinctions for your child. But the main developmental aim for this age range is talking about and modeling how to disagree with someone respectfully. How do you respectfully disagree with someone who has different information, views, and feelings than you? This is a good time to check how you are modeling disagreeing with a partner, a family member or coworker. Out children are looking and listening and taking those examples they see from us and taking them into the real world. If you just panicked at that thought, let this be a good time to work on our disagreement style so our children can disagree with others in the way we would hope they do. These lessons are ones they take with them for life because they are core memories.

Again, you want to take the time to deescalate emotions, vibes, and fears they may have or feel. We want to show our children this is an important time, but we will be ok and they are safe with us.

Elementary School Aged:

Elementary School aged children are very aware of what is going on. They know the candidates, they are hearing and repeating the character descriptions of the candidates they hear us discussing. So make sure you are taking note of what is being said, because they are taking those feelings, views, and words into the world. At this age, it is a good time to discuss values: what are values? What are our family’s values? What are their personal values? For elementary school aged children, the family is still a major influence in their life, so those values you share will be reciprocated by our kids.

 A major developmental goal for this age group is questioning where we get our information and how do we know it’s accurate? Especially as children get into research projects where they are visiting the library and going online to research, being able to identify reputable sources of information will be a pertinent part of the learning experience. Even questioning where Alexa or Siri gets their information is a great way to start this conversation and critical thinking.

 As younger elementary school aged children exit the egocentric stage, they are more able to think about their community outside of the home, or even just themselves -  so that may include their neighborhood, school, city, state, country, and world as their world view gets larger. It is a beautiful time to get them thinking about how policies affect not only them or us as a family, but their larger communities and the world. This thinking is helpful in creating empathy. When we are more empathetic, and we build on lessons from the toddler/preschool age of learning how to disagree respectfully – we are well on our way to raising children who will be amazing leaders in the future.

Adolescents & Teens:

During adolescence and teenage years, children are figuring out their sense of self out from under the wing of the parents, but also wanting to fit in and be united with friends and peers who become more and more integral in acceptance and their views of self-worth. This internal clash can be confusing and difficult for them to wrap their heads around.

 We are aware from our own teen years that this time in their life is marked with opposition. So don’t be surprised if teens renounce once popular views from their elementary school age days. This is normal and developmentally appropriate. They are on the hunt to find out their values and morals and those will likely change with more and diversified life experiences and interactions. Don’t try to convince them to change their minds or views – it’s not a beneficial fight. But it is helpful for parents to still discuss what is personally meaningful to them and the historical relevance behind their beliefs and values. These personal examples will resonate with them – they are still listening even if they are really good at pretending not to or rolling their eyes as they do it.

 A critical thinking exercise for this age group would be to discuss who is responsible for these ads we see, and the information put out into the world? What is the goal behind the messaging? Building upon the next layer of thinking from the elementary school age child who is thinking about where information comes from and fact checking, this is helpful in again, thinking about how things make people feel and being responsible for those actions.

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 The election and democracy as a whole can be a great tool to help children expand their view of their community. It can help them gain empathy and other important life skills along the way. It can create critical thinking lessons that help our children become discerning truth tellers who are advocates for their values and morals. Parents who show engagement in the democratic process help the next generation of leaders and voters to be active participants in the world they live in.

 I hope you vote! I hope you feel more empowered to speak to your children about what is going on in a way that helps them understand democracy and helps them developmentally along the way!